Maybe it's just me, but I think the "self-respect craze" in America has gone way too far. This
weekend, while enjoying the great outdoors, I happened upon a group of people playing volley ball.
My attention was immediately drawn to a middle aged couple thoroughly engrossed in the game.

What drew me to this pair was their choice of apparrell. Now, I am by no means qualified to be a
fashion critic. My taste in clothing seems to be whatever happens to be on the top of the clean laundry
pile. I have, however, learned one very important fashion rule: "Just because it fits, doesn't mean that it
looks good."

I am no Adonis. I am not going to win any beauty pageants either. I do not have a "beautiful body."
And as such, I cover it the fuck up! Not because I am insecure about who I am, but because I have
respect for my fellow human beings. It is my very self esteem which causes me to take this opinion,
and not the converse as some may indicate.

Whose bright idea was it to tell balding men that they look like Brad Pitt if they grow three hairs on the
left side of their head really long and comb them over the top? Serious guys, from above, you look like
a spider wrestling an egg and losing. And when the wind blows, you look like a human wind sock. We
can tell it's a comb over!  Whatever happened to growing old gracefully and with dignity?

And what about very large men in speedos? Sorry to tell you pal, no matter how tight they are or how
much you stuff them, woman can't "check out your package" if your gut hangs low enough to cover it!

I think the dark blue dress socks pulled up to your ankles with sandals, shorts, a bermuda shirt, and a
straw hat is a retirement thing. I am just hoping to die before I hit this stage of male developement!

And men aren't the only ones guilty of this fashion faux pas. Why do "full figured" women find it
acceptable to wear spandex and tube tops in public? The fabric on the shorts is stretched so thin it is
almost sheer for pete's sake!  And a tube top is not support equipment! That's what bras are for. If
you have a pain behind your left breast, and it turns out to be your left knee, don't wear tube tops!
Some of us have eaten this week.

I realize that these people have the right and ability to dress themselves, but I have to seriously
question their motivation. Maybe they are trying to compensate for a low self image, maybe they are
masochists, maybe they just have really poor fashion sense. Whatever their excuse, I don't want to see
them walking around parading the results of their dysfunctional childhood for all to see.

Until someone puts a weight limit on clothing, there isn't a damn thing I can do about any of it. But I
want to leave you with these thoughts...

If you need to use vasaline, KY Jelly, or some type of lotion to get the clothes to slide over your fat
ass, Don't leave your house.

Cotton is comfortable, yes. It does a wonderful job of helping you stay warm in winter and cool in
summer. Just remember that it shrinks when you wash it. (Yes, you really do need to wash it once in a
while.) So, unless you look great with out it, buy it at least one size above the minimum size required.

Unless you are the person in the ad, you will not look like the person in the ad. The Hanes guy looks
good because he lives at the gym, not because of the underwear he buys.

Beer does not cause beautiful woman to flock around you in droves. It just makes the women who are
already near you look better. The beer will eventually wear off. BE PREPARED!

It is not the dress that makes you look fat. It's your ass. Next time try and put the blame where it

Of course, this is just my opinion, and what the fuck do I know anyway...