Well, if you've ever been to the darker corners of usenet, you've encountered at
least one "Internet Evangelist." Some jack off who, by virtue of having a
computer, thinks it is his divinely bestowed destiny to preach the good word and
save those of us who don't really give a fuck. There seems to be an abundance of
them lately. So much so that I am beginning to hope that they are right and that
the end is near if only so I don't have to listen to their inane chatter anymore.
It would be different if they had something resembling an intelligent point to
make, but, alas, the extent of their volcabulary seems to be "Jesus Saves! Repent
Now!" Every time I hear that I can't help but laugh... Jesus saves... He passes to
Gretsky... Gretsky shoots... And it's good! The crowd goes wild!!!
And repent now? Why? What's with all the damn repenting? For what? I can not
think of one damn thing I've done that warrants repenting? Hell, most of the
things they would say I probably should repent for I am actively trying to do
again. So repenting wouldn't do a whole hell of a lot of good now would it.
You would think after almost 2,000 years they could come up with some new
material. Or they could at least read the fucking book once or twice. Nothing is
more annoying than some uneducated dumb prick trying to explain a book to me
that I have read three fucking times. And worst part of all, most of them don't
have a clue what they are talking about.
"Only through Jesus will you find heaven." Really? So I take it you know that I
get to be one of the 144,000 people who is actually going to heaven. If that's the
case, then I don't think I need to repent... do you? Of course, you're wrong, but I
don't expect you to actually understand that.
For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about... In Revelations
chapter 14 verses 1-5 it specifically states only 144,000 people get to go to heaven.
It further states that they are all virginal males, so be nice to the geeks you meet...
In Revelations chapter 21 verses 9-27 talks about the new city god will make on
earth for everyone else who is "pure." Thus ends our theology lesson for today.
Had they actually taken the time to read their book they would have gotten to the
part where their messiah warns to take the log from your own eye before you
worry about the speck in your brothers. (Matthew 7:3-5) Or the part where jesus
instructs them not to "perform religious duties in public" otherwise they will
recieve no reward from their "father in heaven." (Matthew 6:1)
I guess you get double stamps on your "Holy Card" if you're brave enough to go
into a heathen chat room, newsgroup, or guest book and preach the "good news."
Why else would they do it if not to earn some type of reward. Maybe seven
stamps earns you a complete set of dead sea tupperware and a package of the
napkins of Turin